Bruce’s Thoughts

December 28, 2008

Homework Update…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 9:27 am

As I promised in the post of December 6, I have been working hard to catch up on some technologies that have flown past me, and prove to be important in this marketplace:

  • MySQL database
  • Hibernate database access
  • Ruby programming language
  • JBoss application platform

And up until now I’ve had mixed results. On the one hand, it feels very good indeed to be learning something new and stretching some intellectual muscles that have become rather cramped and atrophied. On the other hand, it’s frustrating to not be able to learn as fast as I used to.

I’ve always been very good at picking up new skills and technologies quickly, and learning on the job whenever I had to; and I guess that I’ve been relying on that skill heavily in the last job and this new one. But I find that the homework I’ve done so far (mostly Hibernate) remains elusive, and after several days of hard work I’m only beginning to get it.

Maybe I’m setting too high an expectation for myself, but I feel like a veteran athlete who discovers that he has lost a step or two in speed, and is having a little trouble seeing the ball. It’s not the end of the career, but maybe it’s a sign to start thinking about the next stage of my professional life, and what I’m going to do when I’m really not competitive with the rookie players who arrive every year, filled to the brim with the knowledge that I’m struggling to assimilate.

December 26, 2008

Thoughts of Good Cheer (Somewhat Perverse)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bruce @ 11:29 am

I read the newspapers over the last few days, and the bad news has put me into a black mood. Humanity is overrunning the globe, outstripping its ability to sustain us, decimating species from the Sumatran Rhinoceros to the Blue Frittilary Butterfly, carving the tops off mountains in Appalachia, poisoning the Amazon delta with oil spills, and incidentally keeping everyone under the ever-present threat of nuclear annihilation. However hard we strive for the Good, we are at heart an evil, selfish people. Sooner or later, we will reduce the biosphere to a state where it cannot sustain animal life more complex than a cockroach, or plant life more complex than club moss, and we will have caused the next of the great die-offs in geologic history.

I told you that I was in a black mood. But when I despair about us as a species and our desperate need to dominate nature and destroy our own home, I take great comfort in a rather perverse thought.

Nature doesn’t care about us.

The whole history of life on this planet has occupied less than a thousandth of its history, the history of animals less than a ten-thousandth, and the history of humans less than one hundred-thousandth. For all our self conceit, we are a barely noticeable footnote in nature’s grand history. As such, there is very little that we can do for evil or good that will even be noticeable in the multi-billion lifetime of this planet.

Let’s say that we do our worst - we release all the nuclear arsenal that we have built up, we set ablaze all the forests of the world, we blast dust high into the stratosphere and bring on the next Ice Age, and we blanket the world with cobalt isotopes that will be active for the next two thousand years. Let’s say that somehow we manage to kill all multi-cellular life in the oceans and on the land, and render both uninhabitable for a ten thousand years. What will happen?

Very quickly, in geologic terms, the horrible pollution will abate. The chemical poisons will decompose, the radioactive dust will be buried in sedimentary rock, the atmospheric dust will settle out of the stratosphere, and the glaciers will retreat, leaving no trace that humanity ever existed. Then all the microbes that inhabit the soil, and the bedrock, and the deep ocean trenches, and the deep fissures in the earth’s bones will start to migrate back to the surface world, where energy will be plentiful. As they do, they will start to form multi-cellular forms again, because that is advantageous out here on the surface. And over hundreds of millions of years, they will recapitulate our own rise to complex life forms and maybe to intelligence. In a blink of a geologic eye, the biosphere will become rich and vibrant once again.

We have no idea what this reconstituted biosphere would look like. Pseudo-octopi could emerge as the dominant intelligence in the ocean, and insect analogs of the ants and termites might develop hive intelligence on the land. But whatever happens, we can be sure that the biosphere will be as rich and vibrant as the one that we are destroying.

So here is my comforting thought:

Only when we think of our actions from our narrow, self-centered view do they seem apocalyptic; but in reality Nature doesn’t care. In the grand sweep of galactic evolution, it doesn’t matter what humanity does to our planet. Do our worst, the planet will recover quickly and completely and Life will continue with barely a stumble.

I already admitted that it is a perverse outlook, but as I depair of my own species, I find it very comforting that our ability to do harm is ultimately limited to a pathetically small scope.

December 25, 2008

“God Bless Us, Every One!”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 10:56 am

Tiny Tim gets the last and best line from “A Christmas Carol”.

Merry Christmas to you, reader, and the happiest of New Years.

December 23, 2008

Daily Yuks

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 3:27 pm

Even Physics teachers have senses of humor. Well, most of them.

Read the barometer story.

December 21, 2008

What if Scrooge Was Right?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 1:46 pm

This, from Ebenezer Scrooge, in A Christmas Carol:

“If I had my way, every fool who goes around with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips would be boiled with his own plum pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.”

Scrooge certainly didn’t mince his words, and he has become as much a fixture of Christmas as the tree, the presents, and the mistletoe. I sometime think of him as Santa’s evil twin.

But lately I’ve been wondering if we are doing him an injustice. Perhaps his only sin was in seeing through the artificial liveliness and cheer of Christmas to a manic need to be jolly, and maybe ‘Bah, Humbug!’ is just his rejection of hypocrisy.

As I’ve gone about all my errands this year, I’ve seen more strained faces than ever. People seem to be determined to be jolly and of good cheer, even in the face of hard times. I suppose that there’s a certain bravery in this, and for most of history it has taken great bravery to get through the winter.

But how about this: Christmas didn’t start as a christian holiday - it started as the solstice holiday, when the sun dipped as low as it could, when the nights were longest and coldest, and when the hoarded rations started to run thin. At a time like that, people needed a time of light and warmth and togetherness, to hold off the cruelty of the world. Maybe this year we can take Christmas in its original meaning, as a celebration of life in the midst of suffering, and in praise of the courage that it takes to come through the hard, cold times into the warmth of spring.

Reader, may your Christmas be courageous, and may all your friends and family gather together to share their gift of love in the depths of winter.

December 17, 2008

The Holy Warrior

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 2:57 pm

Every culture that I know of has a mythical archetype of the “Holy Warrior,” the man (woman in the case of Joan of Arc) who stands outside the usual moral strictures and is authorized by God to kill and wage war in the name of all that is Good and Holy. Some examples that come to mind are Joshua, King David, Saint George, Beowulf, Mithras, Gilgamesh, Sir Galahad and (though flawed) King Arthur. The people killed by these holy warriors deserved to die because they were enemies of God, and the warfare was a sort of sacramental offering.

This sort of image is terribly seductive, especially to young boys, and I remember reading about the Knights of the Round Table and their quest of the Holy Grail with an attitude of reverence. As I listened to stories of World War II, I carried that awe and reverence over onto the soldiers who fought the Japanese who were (according to the propaganda) enemies of God and all that is good. This is where we Christians got the notion of the Crusade, and the Muslims got the idea of Jihad, and the Japanese got the notion of Bushido; and all of those remain tremendously potent images in our collective subconscious.

It’s only at age 57, after I’ve seen Cold War, Vietnam, the Balkans, and Iraq I and II that I find myself questioning this at a deep level. Despite the strong feelings from my youth, how can we call a warrior holy if we have a commandment “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” It’s all very confusing.

Don’t misunderstand me: I have tremendous pride and respect for the people in our armed forces at all level. Whether they intended or not, they agreed to give up their lives for me, if they had to; and that’s a very heavy debt to repay. And I honestly think that American soldiers are taught to wage war in as humane a way as is possible - though that often very difficult - and the ones I’ve met have been uniformly decent, honorable people. So any serviceman or woman I encounter starts with a gold star in my book and get my respect from the first meeting.

But that doesn’t make their actions holy, and it certainly doesn’t elevate their war to a Holy War or a Crusade. They may be honorable as individuals, but war is dirty, desperate fighting where atrocious things happen, not as anomalies, but because that’s what war is. General William Tecumsah Sherman is widely remembered for his quote, “War is Hell.” but the full context was this, in an address to the cadets at Michigan Military Insitute:

“There is many a boy here today who looks on war as all glory, but, boys, it is all hell.”

So what do we do with this ancient archetype of the Holy Warrior? Can we still afford him or her in this era when war has grown beyond anything Sherman could have conceived? Does he or she still make sense in a time when wars are fought by suicide bombers and decimation of civilians?

I really don’t know - I believe Jung was right when he said that all our archtetypes have arisen from our common soul for some legitimate purpose and that we cannot simply abandon them, but what do we do with this one? How do we get the Holy Warrior off the propaganda posters and out of politicians’ speeches and get people to think about the proper place of the archetype?

I’m sorry that I can’t end today’s entry with a simple solution and a benediction, but this one is still hanging over my head - I just thought I’d spread the confusion around a little.

December 16, 2008

Just When I Want to Throw in the Towel

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 8:16 pm

I’ve spent the last several days at work writing a particularly complex Ant script that automates our build process. (Don’t worry if that doesn’t mean anything, just go along with me on this…) I keep forgetting why I got into this business - it’s the thrill of programming.

It’s nice to get a regular paycheck (really nice, these days) and it’s nice to do elegant designs, and it’s nice to be surrounded by smart people, but I really, really like to immerse myself in the coding process and to wrestle the computer to the floor and make it do what I want.

There’s a stark elegance to programming, and it makes perfect sense to look at a program and say, “That’s really ugly, even if it does what it’s supposed to.” Most of the time I write pretty good code, but occasionally I’ll come up from the depths of the programming trance, look at what I’ve writtenn, and wonder, “Did I really write that?” This isn’t one of those times - this is just decent craftsmanship - but I wish I could have that more often, because it would offset the often frustrating other parts of the job.

December 12, 2008

Our Ice Storm

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 8:04 pm

Well, we kept waking up on Thursday night to loud crashes and bangs, and the sound of heavy equipment thundering by on the roads. On Friday morning the reason was evident - an ice storm had brought down trees, limbs, power lines, even telephone poles far and wide. Beautiful as it was, it’s a bleedin’ mess, and more than an inconvenience to millions in the area.

We are among those without power (though our neighbors two streets away are not affected - go figure) and this means no water, no heat, no light, no internet, and no computers - back to Medieval  times, at best! Luckily, Paula was scheduled to visit her aunt Joan on the Cape, which was spared, and I have a weekend at work, where they have both heat and power.

But at home I’m reminded of the time before wide electrification - it gets dark at around 5PM and there’s virtually nothing to do but go to bed.

Well, actually, that’s not true - we have flashlights and candles and a very nice fireplace, so I can read and stay warm and find may way around. Plus, we have a two-burner Coleman stove and plenty of fuel, so I can cook and make coffee. All in all, it’s an adventure rather than a disaster.  The only real issue is that, without electricity, our sump pumps don’t run, and we’ve got a basement full of water, but we’ve been coping with that for years so we’ll dry things out when the power comes back on. My only lingering worry is frozen pipes, but there’s nothing I can do about those until the heat comes on and we see how well they fared.

Hope you’re all doing well, or at least better…

December 9, 2008

The Habit of Journalling

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 11:38 am

I started keeping a journal some years ago when I was going through a particularly complicated time. At first, it was just a place to write down the thoughts that were racing through my head, so I didn’t lose them. But I found that if I wrote down all the random thoughts, waited a day, and re-read them, patterns would pop out and I could see themes in the chaos. Actually, it was a big help, and lots cheaper than a therapist.

So now I’m addicted to my journal. I keep it in a plain ruled composition book, rather than a fancy tooled-leather booklet, because I need the ruled lines (you haven’t seen my handwriting, have you) and because I tend to write voluminously, so I need cheap paper.

I don’t journal every day - it’s not a diary - but I make an attempt to sit down two or three times during the week and write something significant. Sometimes all that comes out is, “I don’t appear to have anything to say.” but sometimes I’ll go on for pages and pages. My record is eleven pages, but that involved a lot of quotes. Sometimes I’ll tape things into the binder, if they seem important, but it’s certainly not a scrapbook. Here’s what I do put into the journal:

  • good things that have happened to me, and how I feel about them
  • ditto for bad things
  • things that have happened to me that I’m confused about
  • emotionally charged issues (positive and negative)
  • my plans and hopes
  • my frustrations

You get the idea. Most of the entries are focused internally - I tend to introspect a lot - but some of them are observations on the world or on people around me. I don’t spend a lot of time planning an entry, but they aren’t exactly stream-of-consciousness either, and I hardly ever edit.

One of he bonuses of using a composition book is that I’ve got the whole left-hand page to write comments when I go back to read old entries. Many of the comments amount to, “What in the world was I thinking when I wrote this?” but if I see a pattern, I’ll often amplify on it in the comments.

I find that I can’t journal at home - there are just too many distractions. My favorite spots are in coffee shops (especially Cafe Ziba in Acton) and libraries. The environment doesn’t need to be deathly quiet, but I can’t abide chatters nearby, and I’ll sometimes put on the earbuds and play music I can retreat into.

At this point the journal isn’t so much a therapeutic tool (though I’m sure it still helps) as it is a habit. If I go too long without writing, I start to feel stuffed with ideas that need to get out through the pen and onto the page. It’s cheaper than heroin, but I still have to pay for the coffee.

December 8, 2008

A Farewell to Sally

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bruce @ 9:20 am

I said goodby to a good friend on Saturday.

Sally Jeffries, a pillar of the Acton Friends Meeting and the best of friends, died last week of cancer, and we held her memorial service on Saturday. We held it in a smallish chapel in Acton, and I’m pleased (for Sally) to report that the place was packed. We set up all the chairs we could find, people scrunched together on the pews, and still it was standing room only. I knew that Sally had many friends and admirers in town, but people had traveled from halfway across the country to be there. I shouldn’t have been surprised - she had that way of inspiring trust and devotion in everyone she met.

We ran the service in the manner of a Quaker Meeting for Worship, with no set speeches and no preacher to lead the liturgy. Instead, people sat and steeped in the Silence that Sally valued so highly, and every so often someone would be moved to rise and tell us something she remembered about Sally. We heard from family members, fellow Quakers, friends, and people who wished they had got to know her better. The mood of the meeting was certainly somber, because we had all lost a dear friend; but there was an admixture of joy, because Sally had escaped from her last days of pain and gone on ahead of us. Some things that people remembered about Sally:

  • she had a passionate love of the English language, and a absolute dedication to seeing it used correctly,
  • her omnivorous reading, her vast knowledge of literature, and her unfailing willingness to recommend and loan good books,
  • she could do the NYT Sunday crossword in under an hour - in pen
  • she had a quality of listening to you with her whole being - unhurried and undistracted - that made her a great person to talk with if you were trying to unravel a knotty problem
  • she wasn’t affraid to call you on a point of grammar, or fuzzy thinking, or self-delusion, but she always did it gently and with humor
  • when she rose to speak in Meeting, you could feel God’s word flowing through her straight into your own heart - she delivered messages simply and straightforwardly, and was a faithful a spokesperson as you could hope to meet
  • and she wore great socks.

So we sent Sally off. We will all miss her terribly, but in some way she was indisputably there with us in the Meeting - not just as a memory but as a palpable presence, so I think it’s reasonable to hope that I’ll meet her again and get to talk with her for a couple centuries about good books and proper grammar.

Sally, I’m looking forward to it.

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